Ask “How do I get started with…?” instead of “How to solve all my problems””

We are not educated to ask questions 😫

Looking back to how we are educated

As children, we’re curious about everything. But when we ask adults around us, they answer that it is “not of our age” or “not for a child”. So adults usually do not answer our questions. And at some points many of us loose their “genuine curiosity” and stop asking questions.

As students, we’re only asked to answer the teachers’ questions. I am generalising of course, but our evaluations are not based on good questions we asked this year… it’s based on how great we can answer the exam’s questions. So once again, we do not get educated or trained to ask questions.

Like father like son

I was recently discussing with my father and he told me something mind blowing. He is 58 years old and he has started to study Vietnamese and English. Yes, two new languages at almost 60 years old guys! Never stop learning okay ;)!

Despite the great progress he’s made, he got annoyed with his struggles to “ask questions”.

Me: “to ask questions? what do you mean?”

My father: “Yeah, I am realising that a conversation is only great if you know how to ask great questions. And I feel like I am not used to ask questions and I don’t know how to ask good questions.”

Me inside: 🤯 and also remembering that I have the same problem! I even wrote about it in an article” “Why we struggle to ask questions”

The secret for asking great questions ☺️

Be genuinely interested

From 2020 until 2021, I became a co-host of a Podcast called Creators in Saigon, now renamed “Creators in Vietnam”. And one of the biggest fear for me was to not be able to have questions to ask the guests.

And it is really hard. Great questions are not easy to find. But I remember with some episodes and some guests, being able to ask those magical questions.

And the secret sauce was that at these moments, I was genuinely interested. Let me rephrase this…

When you really need it, when you are really interested, great questions come naturally.

So if you are struggling at “asking questions” it’s maybe because you are not that interested.

Put your ego aside 😉 and ask “how do I get started with…”

For many reasons, many people around you might be greater than you are. Take the example of your older sister or brother, who has 3+ years of life ahead of you… for many, it will be a mix of inspiration / rivalry / jealousy.

But what if you come to your older brother or sister and tell them this: “I noticed that you are great at THIS, I also want to improve. How should I get started with THIS?”

Imagine doing this.

Imagine doing this with your boss, your friends, your favorite Youtuber, anyone.

“How do I get started with”

It’s just perfect when you doubt, you are jealous or simply curious.

This question is the best because it puts you in a position where you are asking someone for advice. You make them come to you and provide knowledge.

And they are not forced to share their secret, you only asked to know how they would recommend you to get started.

I love this question and I invite you to ask it all the time.

When you face doubts; your boss gives you an assignment that is quite complex, and you know he has a clear idea of how to get it done, but not you: ask him: “how would you recommend me to start with this assignment?”

If you are with your friends and you feel jealous about their great couple relationship; ask them “how should you get started to find “the one”?”

For learning new skills or even for asking Google! Google has so many results when you search for “starter guides” or anything “for starters”.

To “start” is what you need.

The more I analyse what people need in this world, the more I realise that the energy it takes to “get started” is equivalent of 90% of the entire energy you will spend on the entire project.

I remember starting my first business, it took me 9 months or something to get on the phone with a first potential customer. Today we are building new “products” at my company and it takes us one week to launch the project.

So do not underestimate the power of asking someone how to get started with what you struggle with at the moment. Because it can save you a lot of time.